Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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