I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
