She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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