love makes seman taste better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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