She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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