Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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