how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
