home. puking in laundry basket.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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