Me too!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
