I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize