just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
