i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
