I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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