you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
