You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
be right there i have to get my cape
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
