Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
