just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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