I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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