Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need water and some morals
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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