Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
