Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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