Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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