I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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