Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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