guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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