I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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