I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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