Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
