It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
