he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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