I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
