i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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