obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
