see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
