I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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