Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
