R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
