my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
