New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
