Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
