I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
