fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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