Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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