I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
