cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
