So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
