I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize