What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
