My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You brought string cheese to the strip club
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
