Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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