Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
