My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
