You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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