Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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