were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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