My liver just broke up with me...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
