if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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