if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
