just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
