I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
