i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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