we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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