It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
