matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
