insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
