Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
