update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize