i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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