i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
