Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
