I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
