I cannot find my penis.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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