I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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