my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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