If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
