That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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