I think I am morally bankrupt
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
