hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i think i just lost a toe
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
