Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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