BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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